I heard daddy say the other day that he sometimes wished he was me and that I had an easy life. He kept on going on about how I've got no worries, and that I get fed and kept warm, no bills to pay, get pampered blah blah blah blah blah.
I thought it right that I set the record straight.
Firstly, I get fed once a day. Now.... some say that's enough, but let me tell you I could eat a cow if you managed to get it in my bowl! Instead I have to scavenge scraps and climb up on the counter top just to get me through the day till dinner time. AND... sometimes daddy doesn't even leave things out on the counter and I have to bust my way into the bedroom and eat the tastiest thing around, which unfortunately tends to be mummy's pants!!! How would you like that daddy?!??! And as for mummy... she gives me one skimpy biscuit and then HIDES the rest!! YOU EVIL WOMAN...THAT'S WHY I SIT ON YOUR FACE AND STEAL YOUR COVERS!!!
Secondly, the only way I have of cleaning my privates is by licking them.
Thirdly, I have to shit in front of people... sometimes complete strangers.
Fourth, I get left on my own most of the day, and I still can't figure out how to work the X-box. O for opposable thumbs!
Should I go on? I think you get the picture. Mummy and Daddy think I eat knickers and toothbrushes because I'm bored.... I'm just getting even.
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